Originally by: Raivi

---

Edited by: Raivi on 08/09/2007 18:41:37
DEREK: Good evening.
Today, our fellow citizens, our way of life, our very entertainment came under attack in a series of deliberate and deadly GM acts.
The victims were in Rainbowgeddons, or in their Discophoons; pod pilots, forum warriors and station-huggers, pirates and carebears; moms and dads, friends and neighbors. Thousands of viewing experiences were suddenly ended by evil, despicable acts of humorlessness.

The pictures of cargoholds being cleared, pods being healed to zero, huge ships being abandoned, have filled us with disbelief, terrible sadness, and a quiet, unyielding anger.
These acts of mass boringness were intended to frighten our nation into chaos and retreat. But they have failed; our Derek is strong.

A great people has been moved to defend a great nation.
GM attacks can shake the foundations of our best comedy setups, but they cannot touch the foundation of Derek. These acts shattered steel, but they cannot dent the steel of Derekian resolve.
Derek was targeted for attack because we're the brightest beacon for entertainment and laughter in the world. And no one will keep that light from shining.

Today, our nation saw evil, the very worst of GM nature. And we responded with the best of Derek -- with the daring of our pilots, with the posting on forums and fellow players who united in disbelief of GM epic failure.
Immediately following the first attack, I implemented Screpheap-Chellenge's emergency response plans. Our forum is powerful, and it's prepared. Our emergency teams are working in Scrapheap-Chellenge.com and Eve-Online.com. to help with local rescue efforts.

Our first priority is to get help to those who have been bored, and to take every precaution to protect our citizens at home and around the world from further humorlessness.
The functions of our forums continue without interruption. Derek's agencies in Rens which had to be evacuated today are reopening for essential personnel tonight, and will be open for business tomorrow. Our trade forums remain strong, and the Derekian economy will be open for business, as well.

The search is underway for those who are behind these evil acts. I've directed the full resources of our intelligence and law enforcement communities to find those responsible and to bring them to justice. We will make no distinction between the GMs who committed these acts and those who harbor them.

I appreciate so very much the members of the forums who have joined me in strongly condemning these attacks. And on behalf of the Derekian people, I thank the many alliance leaders who have called to offer their condolences and assistance.
Derek and our friends and allies join with all those who want entertainement and comedy in the world, and we stand together to win the war against GM humorlessness. Tonight, I ask for your prayers for all those who grieve, for the viewers whose worlds have been shattered, for all whose sense of laughter and ingenuity has been threatened. And I pray they will be comforted by a power greater than any of us, spoken through the ages in Psalm 23: "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no GM, for You are with me."

This is a day when all Derekians from every walk of life unite in our resolve for entertainment and laughter. Derek has stood down enemies before, and we will do so this time. None of us will ever forget this day. Yet, we go forward to defend entertainment and all that is good and just in our world.
Thank you. Good night, and God bless Derek.

---

Originally by: Raivi

---

Edited by: Raivi on 08/09/2007 18:58:22
HIGH SIERRA: Good evening.
Today, our fellow citizens, our way of life, our very entertainment came under attack in a series of deliberate and deadly GM acts.
The victims were in Rainbowgeddons, or in their Discophoons; pod pilots, forum warriors and station-huggers, pirates and carebears; fleet commanders and grunts, friends and gangmates. Thousands of viewing experiences were suddenly ended by evil, despicable acts of humorlessness.

The pictures of cargoholds being cleared, pods being healed to zero, huge ships being abandoned, have filled us with disbelief, terrible sadness, and a quiet, unyielding anger.
These acts of mass boringness were intended to frighten our nation into chaos and retreat. But they have failed; our Derek is strong.

A great people has been moved to defend a great nation.
GM attacks can shake the foundations of our best comedy setups, but they cannot touch the foundation of Derek. These acts shattered steel, but they cannot dent the steel of Derekian resolve.
Derek was targeted for attack because we're the brightest beacon for entertainment and laughter in the world. And no one will keep that light from shining.

Today, our nation saw evil, the very worst of GM nature. And we responded with the best of Derek -- with the daring of our pilots, with the posting on forums and fellow players who united in disbelief of GM epic failure.
Immediately following the first attack, I implemented Screpheap-Chellenge's emergency response plans. Our forum is powerful, and it's prepared. Our emergency teams are working in Scrapheap-Chellenge.com and Eve-Online.com. to help with local rescue efforts.

Our first priority is to get help to those who have been bored, and to take every precaution to protect our citizens at home and around the world from further humorlessness.
The functions of our forums continue without interruption. Derek's agencies in Rens which had to be evacuated today are reopening for essential personnel tonight, and will be open for business tomorrow. Our trade forums remain strong, and the Derekian economy will be open for business, as well.

The search is underway for those who are behind these evil acts. I've directed the full resources of our intelligence and law enforcement communities to find those responsible and to bring them to justice. We will make no distinction between the GMs who committed these acts and those who harbor them.

I appreciate so very much the members of the forums who have joined me in strongly condemning these attacks. And on behalf of the Derekian people, I thank the many alliance leaders who have called to offer their condolences and assistance.
Derek and our friends and allies join with all those who want entertainement and comedy in the world, and we stand together to win the war against GM humorlessness. Tonight, I ask for your prayers for all those who grieve, for the viewers whose worlds have been shattered, for all whose sense of laughter and ingenuity has been threatened. And I pray they will be comforted by a power greater than any of us, spoken through the ages in Psalm 23: "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no GM, for You are with me."

This is a day when all Derekians from every walk of life unite in our resolve for entertainment and laughter. Derek has stood down enemies before, and we will do so this time. None of us will ever forget this day. Yet, we go forward to defend entertainment and all that is good and just in our world.
Thank you. Good night, and God bless Derek.

---

Originally by: High Sierra

---

note to self:
dont ever say anything to anyone on the internet about anything ever again.

---