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Vladimir Norkoff
Income Redistribution Service
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Posted - 2010.02.18 07:26:00 -
[1]
In an age of darkness...
At a time of crisis...
When the winds of lag sweep across the galaxy...
In this era of woe, few are willing to take a stand for justice.
Few will fight to right the fiscal wrongs that afflict mankind.
Few are willing to walk the thankless path of tax collection.
We are those few.
We are the IRS.
These are our logs...
And so begins the ninth installment of the critically acclaimed Taxman series. (Goddamn I've been doing this for awhile.) Other chapters being Taxman I: The Taxman Cometh, Taxman II: Amarr Safari, Taxman III: Attack of the Blob, Taxman IV: Rogue Agent, Taxman V: Back in Black, Taxman VI: Voided Ledger, Taxman VII: Kingdom of Vlad, and Taxman VIII: Vlad in the 25th Century. As always thanks to all of our readers for the comments and feedback we have received. For those who do not enjoy the audit logs, please go get cancer and die (in-game).
Taxman IX: Risky Venture
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Vladimir Norkoff
Income Redistribution Service
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Posted - 2010.02.18 07:33:00 -
[2]
Audit Log - Prologue - Weeks following the ICE audit have been busy. Nice change from the tedious boredom of cowering criminals. Roam Mito. Enforce mining law. Impound ore and punish the guilty with the Battle Badger. Tally up the Coveters. Relaxing honest work. Way it should be. Note the habitual criminals. The unrepentant. Possible tax offenders. Possible future audits.
Still, find time to keep up with the probing skills. Hunt the occassional wormhole. Try some Gurista cosmic sigs. 400mil shield booster in hi-sec. Gotta like that. Hit L5 missions for the Navy for the first time. Turns out we can solo them in a Drake. Nice. Easy loyalty rewards. Easy ISK. Gotta be careful it doesn't become a habit though. Shouldn't be a problem though. Can quit anytime we want.
Hanging in Vuorrassi, chain running my sixth L5 of the day. Rogue Spy arc. Drone battleships. Hate no bounties. Finishing first room and a Dramiel warps-in. Funny. Usually happens the other way around. Whatever. Not like I was gonna waste time looting. Finally start up a convo after some techincal issues.
Dram pilot is one Jesslyn Daggererux. A filthy Gallente trollop. Figures that frog-trash would stoop to ninja-ing hi-sec missions. But... turns out she apparently knows me. And not from being a previous victim either. Weird. In fact, seems to be a fan. Huh. Had been searching for WTs and mistook our mission-running Drake for a carebear... Erm. Yeah... well... it's not exactly what it looks like. It's kinda... well... Important part is she was wrong! Quickly change the subject to her war. Kinda remember doing something like that before. Before we started chasing the green mission fairy. Apparently her target is Venture Alliance. One of the criminal syndicates we had been looking at. Hell, had already pushed thru the vote for it a week ago. Coincidence. And then she pops the question. To join the IRS...
Had a recruitment post up for a week and not a single sincere applicant. Now one warps in on me. Uncanny. Her record looks good. Sly trickery and ballzy kills. True she flies that Gallente crap instead of a decent Caldari ship. But she seems competent enough. And been awhile since I've had a wingman. Winggirl. Whatever. She's hired. Won't even bother doing our normal paranoid API check. I mean she seems nice. What could possibly go wrong?
Split the cost on the war dec. 24 hours and we are back in business. The way the IRS should be. A Duo of Death. Always two there are, a master and an apprentice.
Taxman IX: Risky Venture
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Eowen Darkstar
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Posted - 2010.02.18 07:40:00 -
[3]
Yay, hes back :) |
Exordium8
Minmatar Dead poets society The Laughing Men
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Posted - 2010.02.18 07:43:00 -
[4]
woot! --------------------------------- Pillage, then burn. Everything is air-droppable at least once. There is no 'overkill.' There is only 'open fire' and 'time to reload.
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Jint Hikaru
OffWorld Exploration Inc
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Posted - 2010.02.18 12:43:00 -
[5]
Quote: Dram pilot is one Jesslyn Daggererux. A filthy Gallente trollop
HEY, Watch your mouth... Filthy is just how we like our trollops!
------------------------ Jint Hikaru - Miner / Salvager / Explorer "I've got a couple of Strippers on my ship... and they just love to dance!" ------------------------ |
Paknac Queltel
Standards and Practices
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Posted - 2010.02.18 13:02:00 -
[6]
Originally by: Vladimir Norkoff Had a recruitment post up for a week and not a single sincere applicant. Now one warps in on me. Uncanny. Her record looks good. Sly trickery and ballzy kills. True she flies that Gallente crap instead of a decent Caldari ship. But she seems competent enough. And been awhile since I've had a wingman. Winggirl. Whatever. She's hired. Won't even bother doing our normal paranoid API check. I mean she seems nice. What could possibly go wrong?
It's a trap!
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Mr Mootacular
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Posted - 2010.02.18 17:43:00 -
[7]
Why. Do you type. Like this. Words words words adding some more words. Full stop. Period. More words more words. Words. Words. Full stop.
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Sol'Kanar
Private Nuisance
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Posted - 2010.02.18 18:06:00 -
[8]
Originally by: Vladimir Norkoff Dram pilot is one Jesslyn Daggererux.
Dear God in heaven. Best of luck, Jess. Don't forget to raep zee horses and ride off on zee womenz.
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Catrina Denaries
Caldari
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Posted - 2010.02.18 18:41:00 -
[9]
Yes! More Vlad! There is a god. ----- The yarr is strong with this one. |
PostmasterGeneral
Minmatar yo i'm posting
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Posted - 2010.02.18 18:44:00 -
[10]
u gonna get ****d
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Ancy Denaries
The Confederate Navy
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Posted - 2010.02.18 18:44:00 -
[11]
Originally by: Mr Mootacular Why. Do you type. Like this. Words words words adding some more words. Full stop. Period. More words more words. Words. Words. Full stop.
Noir ---- The Demigodess with a Conscience - An EVE IC Blog
Originally by: CCP Dropbear rofl
edit: ah crap, dev account. Oh well, official rofl at you sir.
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Hospital Patient
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Posted - 2010.02.18 19:46:00 -
[12]
"risky"?
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Lowska Psyca
Gallente Uncle BoB on Crack
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Posted - 2010.02.18 20:58:00 -
[13]
Didn't you pilot a domi in Taxman VII - the WH stuff? Why are you belittling gallente ships? Sometimes I just don't get you, but keep the logs coming anyway :D
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Pistrik
Minmatar Noir. Noir. Mercenary Group
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Posted - 2010.02.18 22:35:00 -
[14]
Originally by: Ancy Denaries
Originally by: Mr Mootacular Why. Do you type. Like this. Words words words adding some more words. Full stop. Period. More words more words. Words. Words. Full stop.
Noir
You rang?
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Zedrik Cayne
Gallente Standards and Practices
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Posted - 2010.02.18 22:38:00 -
[15]
Originally by: Lowska Psyca Didn't you pilot a domi in Taxman VII - the WH stuff? Why are you belittling gallente ships? Sometimes I just don't get you, but keep the logs coming anyway :D
Because he is a good Caldari. Very Upstanding Citizen (tm). There is no reason why he should not acquiesce to using the right tools for the job however. For a long time eschewed the missle-chuckers and their non-symmetrical ships and weird angles, recently I've found that drakes make acceptable platforms for mayhem (Now, where did I put those missile specialization skills?)
--
Originally by: "RedSplat" You're the internet equivalent of a Deepfried Mars bar filled with stupid.
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Zerrazick
Caldari The Maverick Navy
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Posted - 2010.02.18 23:18:00 -
[16]
Sweet! Finally more good reading. Waiting for more though.
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Vladimir Norkoff
Income Redistribution Service
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Posted - 2010.02.19 09:12:00 -
[17]
Audit Log 20100217.1746 - Venture Alliance. Had been hoping for a leader named Rusty and a Swedish murder machine. No such luck. Instead a hundred odd thugs of the lowest grade. Miners. Mission runners. Filth. Sent the usual letter of past due taxes. For the usual 100mil amount. Funny how it always works out like that. Get no response. It's always that or the rant of innocence. Not much for imagination those criminals. Fine by me. Just means it's audit time.
Seen VENT about in BCs, a few BSs, the odd recon or two. Pfft. Won't even break a sweat. Especially with my new trusted wingman -person. Whatever. Apparently she has even done a bit of background work on them. Novel concept. Gotta try that sometime. Venture POS in Vuorr and one down in Amarr space. Seems to know a bit about them. Quite a bit. Convenient. Thug MO seems to be cowering in station or POS bubble all day. Joy. Bit of research on my part figures out why.
Jesslyn's old corp, Private Nuisance, is at war with VENT. Think she mentioned something like that before. Wasn't really paying attention at the time. Honestly, who listens to their babble anyway? Regardless, looks like Private Nuisance gave them a working over yesterday. Figures the hoodlums are a bit gun-shy now. Try sitting in belts or on gate in a Vexor. Nothing. 8 of them in system, and nothing. Right. Another "bore them to death" audit. Never works though. Justice always prevails in the end. Always.
VENT outstanding taxes and fines stand at 100,000,000 ISK.
Taxman IX: Risky Venture
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Kage Toshimado
We Brought Snacks Silent Requiem
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Posted - 2010.02.19 14:03:00 -
[18]
Beware of single-engine Piper PA-28's.
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Lowska Psyca
Gallente Uncle BoB on Crack
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Posted - 2010.02.19 15:46:00 -
[19]
Originally by: Catrina Denaries Yes! More Vlad! There is a god.
YES NO
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Catrina Denaries
Caldari
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Posted - 2010.02.19 15:49:00 -
[20]
Originally by: Lowska Psyca
Originally by: Catrina Denaries Yes! More Vlad! There is a god.
YES NO
Sure there is. His name is Vladimir. ----- The yarr is strong with this one. |
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Lowska Psyca
Gallente Uncle BoB on Crack
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Posted - 2010.02.19 15:59:00 -
[21]
Originally by: Catrina Denaries
Originally by: Lowska Psyca
Originally by: Catrina Denaries Yes! More Vlad! There is a god.
YES NO
Sure there is. His name is Vladimir.
I see. Still... my point remains.
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gtiness
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Posted - 2010.02.19 16:10:00 -
[22]
Originally by: Kage Toshimado Beware of single-engine Piper PA-28's.
.
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Cerneus
Blood Cult of the Nameless One
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Posted - 2010.02.19 17:12:00 -
[23]
Vladimir - man who provided me a valuable lesson (topic - the importance of MWD). Happy to know you're active. It's been some time since i last saw you in Hageken area (what the hell happened to that system btw, it was such a lovely place).
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Vladimir Norkoff
Income Redistribution Service
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Posted - 2010.02.20 08:33:00 -
[24]
Originally by: Catrina Denaries There is a god. ... His name is Vladimir.
Not quite. I don't know how many times I have to say it, but I really am just a mediocre pilot. I have about half as many SPs as battleclinic thinks I should. And 25% of those are in Science & Industry skills. There are other pilots far more worthy of that title than me.
Originally by: Cerneus Vladimir - man who provided me a valuable lesson (topic - the importance of MWD). Happy to know you're active. It's been some time since i last saw you in Hageken area (what the hell happened to that system btw, it was such a lovely place).
Funny that you should ask....
Taxman IX: Risky Venture
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Vladimir Norkoff
Income Redistribution Service
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Posted - 2010.02.20 08:41:00 -
[25]
Audit Log 20100218.2103 - Some days. Some days just turn out that way. VENT hugging their Vuorrassi tower. Bored. Lounge about system in a Vexor. Boring. Trying to bait their Drakes. They're having none of it. Boredom. God just kill me already. Get a call from Jesslyn. Running a combat sig and needs help. And she was busting our balls for the L5? Unbelievable. Start heading down towards hoodiehead space. As if it wasn't enough of a hassle. Sigh.
Apparently finishes two more parts of her escalation before I even get there. Next part is in nullsec. Hmmm. Something says this is bad. Whatever. Start heading that direction as she refits her Dram. Jump and there's a solo Cynabal in pirate red. Yeah. Know how this is gonna work. MWD back towards gate. Cyna unloads. 425s. Hits about as hard as I thought. And his shields are only slightly dented by the gate guns. Scanner clear. Which isn't a good thing. Jesslyn still undocking. Already halfway thru my 1600 plate. No way she's gonna make it in time. Bite the bullet and jump... Right into the Vaga and Diemost waiting on the other side. Just as I figured. I hate competent pirates. Welp. If I can make it back to gate the Cyna will probably have bailed. Wait the timer, overheat MWD and go! Burn towards gate. 12km, 10, 8, locked. 6km, web and scram. 5km, quarter armor. 4km, hull. 3km. Go little Vexor go! 2600km... Damn. Spam warp the pod. Just as Jesslyn comes flying in. Pirates bail both sides of the gate. Jesslyn able to scoop loot. Hmmmm. Limp home in a shuttle. Think that escalation can just go feck itself.
Reship in Hageken with another Vexor. The pinnacle of cruiser construction. VENT still tower hugging, so random patrols here. Spot an illegal miner. Flying the Legion of Boom (LOBL) flag. Tangled with this group of idiots before. Traded a Merlin for their Wolf. Played with a Cane. Wasn't bad, but mouthy little biatches. BM the can and continue patrols. Next set of belts find a Maelstrom out at range. Also LOBL. And it's Locutus Lindsey, the Wolf pilot we popped a few days back. Trap eh? Well I'll take that bait. Back to can, impound, and then warp to the Mael belt. Think you can take a Vexor? Slam the MWD, Mael lights us up. At 50km the arties unload on us.
Taxman IX: Risky Venture
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Vladimir Norkoff
Income Redistribution Service
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Posted - 2010.02.20 08:57:00 -
[26]
Audit Log 20100218.2103 - Cont. - First volley blasts shields. Second volley dents armor. And by then I'm on top of it. Drop the drones and go to work with ACs and neut. Mael launches warriors. Only damage we're taking, but enough to be annoying. Set the Hobgobbie to work on them, big boys stay on the Mael. sit back and relax. Call in Jesslyn's Vexor to watch the show. Mael shields breaking, we're still at 2/3 armor. Then a LOBL Drake warps in. Crap. Overheat guns. Drake locking me. And so is Jesslyn? And she's launching drones?! Biiiiatch! I knew I never should of trusted that fecking lying frog whor-... Oh wait. Light armor bots. Erm. Thanks. Mael into armor, drake hitting with Scourges. Good, at least they're not HAMs. Maint bots repping they're little robotic hearts out. Damage still stacking. Mael into hull, I'm at 1/3 armor. Mael buckles and implodes. 1/4 armor and turn on the Drake. Let loose with the ACs and shields shred. LOL. Failfit. Satisfying explosion and we're still at 10% armor. Love those little armor bots.
Start checking wrecks. Armor bots got me back up to 3/4. Concord timer for LOBL coming to an end when Locutus Lindsey comes back in a Wolf. Heh, like that's gonna work any better. Wolf at belt zero a good 200km off. Eye a can and warp. She had the same idea on the wrecks. Pass each other just as Drake pilot comes back in a Moa. Along with LOBL Domi and Abbadon. Heh, too bad timer is up for them. Tackle and unload on the Moa. Pops as quick as you'd expect a range Moa to. Just in time for the Wolf to finish warping back. The next plate in a 6-course meal of carnage. Start chewing away when Abaddon drops light rep bots on the Wolf. Guess we know our next target. Only drags out the Wolf's death. But not content with it's stupidity, Abbadon opens up on Jesslyn. Apparently still flagged from repping me. Nice. Now she's in the fight too!
Jess swaps to a Cynabal. Gotta love the swiss-army Orca that always seems to follow her around. Abaddon tackled. I finish putting the Wolf out of it's misery. Time for another meaty BS course. Both of us ripping into the laserboat when the LOBL Domi decides drone repping the Abaddon is a good idea. Oh god could this get any better? Down to 1/3 armor, Jess at a sliver of shield. Domi will be a tough plate. But Abaddon first. Under the guns so not taking damage right now. Keep pounding away, rep drones making no difference at all. Abaddon into it's last shreds of armor when the Domi bails out. Doh! Didn't bother pointing. Thought he'd be stupid enough to stay. Dammit!
Or not. Here's Locutus Lindsey returning yet again. Third time's a charm? Hurricane this time. Abbadon explodes just as locks finish on Locutus. Know she's AC-fit. Swoop out to range. Drones chomping away. Cane decides splitting fire is a good call. ACs on Jess, drones on me. Couldn't be a worse choice. Jess has Barrage and falloff. My guns and web only good for skeet shooting drones. Hurricane dies a pathetic whimpering death held at range and explodes.
And then silence. Drifting in a sea of wreckage and abandoned drones. Holy shiite. Did we actually just do that? In buffer fit cruisers? Think we might have audited the wrong alliance. LOL. But... nice as it is, doesn't make a difference on our current job.
VENT outstanding taxes and fines still stand at 100,000,000 ISK.
Taxman IX: Risky Venture
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Vladimir Norkoff
Income Redistribution Service
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Posted - 2010.02.20 09:48:00 -
[27]
Edited by: Vladimir Norkoff on 20/02/2010 09:48:24
Audit Log 20100218.2103 - Addendum - Night passes slowly. Can't sleep. Still amped from adrenaline, alcohol, and boosters. Decide that some work might actually be in order today. Gotta do something to justify the salary we don't get paid. Check the fabulous non-consenual buddylist. Hit up some locators for a VENT hoodlum named Cytlight. Apparently lurking down in the slums that pass for Minnie space. Haven't been down that way in awhile. Grab a Hurricane to blend in with the locals and roadtrip. No luck. Docked up. Lovely.
Head back home. Stop off in Amamake to chat with good friends in Mugen. Catch up on old times. And notice the buddylist again. Magnum Milspire, VENT crimeboss has been blinking on and off like a strobe light for the past hour. About every 5 minutes. And from what Jesslyn had been saying, he was working on a POS down in these parts. Yooh system. True Sansha Large Tower too. And it's getting close to mandatory sleep hour. Every 5 minutes? Close to DT? Oh. My. God. Later Mugen!
Pulse the MWD every jump. Go! Go! Hit system with 30 minutes to spare. Milspire in local. Warp to planet. Scan enroute. Please be taking it down! Please! FF still up. Dammit! Hit planet and there's Milspire. In a Bustard. At zero. Land right on top of him. LOLOLOLOL!!! Light him up. Lucky I brought the Cane. Scram and disruptor. No built-in stabs for you! He tries engaging his logoffski drive. Fecking wussy. Take it like a man. Hose him down with EMP, pod emergency warps. Check the wreck. True Sansha Large Beam Battery. No doubt for all the cap ships that will POS attack in hi-sec.
Decision time. Get a probe launcher for vengeance? Or a hauler for the Beam? Fiscal responsibility wins out in the end. Besides, might be some more unanchored gear at the moon. And there is. Neuts, generic beams, some ECM. Not a single thing online. It's a POS-mod buffet. Course if I had been 10 minutes slower I might have been scooping up a billion ISK faction tower. Oh well. Tally it up. 190mil with the bustard. Audit complete. One shot, one kill. The IRS way.
VENT account shows a credit of -90,000,000 ISK to be held against further transgressions of the tax code.
(All thanks to the Concord Carebear Protectorate's non-consensual buddylist. Since they've nerfed every other successful tactic and ship I've ever used, hopefully they'll nerf this one too. Free intel is BS.)
Taxman IX: Risky Venture
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Catrina Denaries
Caldari
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Posted - 2010.02.20 09:54:00 -
[28]
Originally by: Vladimir Norkoff
Originally by: Catrina Denaries There is a god. ... His name is Vladimir.
Not quite. I don't know how many times I have to say it, but I really am just a mediocre pilot. I have about half as many SPs as battleclinic thinks I should. And 25% of those are in Science & Industry skills. There are other pilots far more worthy of that title than me.
The godhood has nothing to do with your skills, mate. It's simply for providing entertainment worth reading in this steaming pile of crap that is C&P. ;) ----- The yarr is strong with this one. |
Hospital Patient
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Posted - 2010.02.20 14:59:00 -
[29]
Originally by: Catrina Denaries [ in this steaming pile of crap that is C&P. ;)
some of us live here!
on topic, thats it?
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Samantha Krill
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Posted - 2010.02.21 09:41:00 -
[30]
Nice job on a good audit so far.
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