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Yblarbo Janks
Caldari Veto. Veto Corp
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Posted - 2009.11.24 19:06:00 -
[1]
Hello folks, Janks here, with yet another self pitafying post about how he simply can't connect lately.
Now, Janks knows what you are thinking, "How is this possible Janks, you have loads of keys on that keychain and that alone should attract the ladies", and Janks agrees, but as we both know we still can't fly our ships upaside down and Janks now has to rely on raw charisma, and well, as both you and Janks knows, there's nothing too appetizing about anything raw.
Janks signed up for one of those speed dating events, where everyone sits down at a table and ladies all file out of a room and rush to a table and try to get to know the basics within five minutes, then at the sound of a bell by some blocker, all the women move to a new table. Janks thought how tough can this be, because in the span of five minutes surely they can't find out all his negative qualities.
How wrong Janks was. The first applicant taught Janks it's rude to call ladies applicants on the first date, and the second lady asked why the side of his face had a red mark in the pattern of a palm, and the third woman learned Janks is a slow learner and the forth woman thought Janks wore makeup because both sides of his faces was red and palmy. After all this unnessessessary commotion, the guy in charge of the bell realized Janks had a bounty on him and all hell broke lose, because they realized Janks was worth money, instead of being loaded with money. And well, let's just say Janks didn't need to be told where the emergency exits were located.
Then a few days after that, Janks decided to try one of those Craigsspace services. He thought some of those women there were a bit peculiar in their advertisements, and wasn't sure if he should call them advertisements or applicants. After checking the mirror that the palm-rash was gone, Janks decided just to call the ladies, and found a very camera shy lady who only wanted to meet at spacemotel on the other side of Black Rise who clearly didn't own a good quality camera.
Janks learned something else with this encounter -- Some girls names double as guy names. Janks didn't mind really, but this guy sure did! Janks didn't even bother looking for the fire escape this time, he just ransomed the guy instead, seeing how one can't defend himself answering the door in boxer shorts.
Janks then traveled over to The Citadel where he heard about a well talked about company that boasted if you go through their system, and fail to find love after 12 months, they give you another free 6 months to completely annihilate whatever is left of your ego. Janks never contemplated the option before, but now he had some money!
The first problem was their forms to fill out. Janks seriously never knew he would find something that can talk more than a woman, and he found it at Smatch's questionnaire. And apparently, answering 'honestly' really means 'answer like your mother is going to read this' because Janks's application was rejected with the answer of "Me" to "what do you look for most in a woman".
Janks needs to find out if he qualifies for that free 6 months, and next time make sure if there's some refund policy as not only is Janks broke again, but Kelley moved out of the motel back in Black Rise.
So that's where Janks is now. Broke and lonely, still trying to connect to the ladies.
At the very least he still has his fleshlaser.
Janks is a natural sex object. When he ask the ladies for sex, they object!
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Lance Fighter
Amarr
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Posted - 2009.11.24 19:09:00 -
[2]
TL:DR? OHGODS BELOW THIS LINE IS MY SIG !!!! SRSLY! Blane Xero > Lance is at -0.9 sec status with a 1 million bounty. Lance is also amarrian. Thats 3 evil points |
Deja Thoris
Invicta.
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Posted - 2009.11.24 19:16:00 -
[3]
♥
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Mordred McKenna
Silver Snake Enterprise
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Posted - 2009.11.24 19:17:00 -
[4]
Oh god. I need to get a 2nd cup of tea so I can spit that one all over my monitor too.
Too funny
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Raxip Elamp
Veto. Academy Veto Corp
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Posted - 2009.11.24 19:18:00 -
[5]
tl;dr Janks is surprised when women run in fear.
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FunzzeR
Death of Virtue MeatSausage EXPRESS
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Posted - 2009.11.24 19:21:00 -
[6]
The Scottish Fold approves. PRAISE THE SCOTTISH FOLD!! |
Victor Valka
Caldari Preta Light Industries Naraka.
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Posted - 2009.11.24 19:25:00 -
[7]
10/10
Would read again!
Originally by: Spaztick You are not outnumbered, you are in a target-rich environment.
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Banana Torres
The Green Banana Corporation
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Posted - 2009.11.24 19:41:00 -
[8]
Originally by: Lance Fighter TL:DR?
You are the only person who can answer that question. Unless your mommie is sitting at your shoulder, like all good mommies should be, while you are surfing the net. In which case ask her.
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Sgt Napalm
SiN. Corp Sons of Tangra
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Posted - 2009.11.24 19:48:00 -
[9]
Love Janks threads.
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Vele Nori
Amarr Dakinii
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Posted - 2009.11.24 20:13:00 -
[10]
Sounds like your problem is that you are trying to date Caldari girls. Application forms, slapping random men on the face, questioning their sexual orientation, meeting through cameras (good half of which btw have state surveillance chips inbuilt), sounds like Cladari females all right. Trust me, you will have little luck there. Instead you should try meeting some Minmatar women. Not only do I hear that they are much more into pirates but also quite easy to impress them, as good half of Minmatar Republic is à well lets just say it is difficult to find anything there that isn't nearly broken or rusted out. First you want to purchase one of those unsightly Vagabond class starships, or rent it, whatever your wallet allows. Put a bit of bling on it, a few domination gyros seem to do the trick. Then set course to nearest Minmatar system. Now you don't want to go in very deep, because the deeper you go, the longer it will take to escape there shall the need arise. Safer to stick to the border systems. There are a few Caldari-operated bars in the area that hold to higher standards where your ship won't be stripped to its warp core if you leave it unattended to go have a few drink. Those are the ones that are safer to dock at. Slowly fly your ship past the bar's windows and try to park it in the docking ring that has greatest visibility from the inside. Then go in and just look like you are enjoying yourself. Very soon you will have Minmatar ladies coming up to you to try and strike up a conversation or even ask for a ride. And no silly application forms will be required.
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Ishquar Teh'Sainte
Evoke. Ev0ke
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Posted - 2009.11.24 20:24:00 -
[11]
Originally by: Sgt Napalm Love Janks threads.
this.
they were awesome years ago, they are still awesome. now to eve-search to find the other gems! |
Slade Trillgon
Endless Possibilities Inc.
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Posted - 2009.11.24 20:37:00 -
[12]
Hilarious!
I wanted to say in before the move to OOPE but his quality transfer of real life experiances to a fictional EVE setting was superb
Slade
Originally by: Niccolado Starwalker
Please go sit in the corner, and dont forget to don the shame-on-you-hat!
≡v≡ |
Zeba
Minmatar Honourable East India Trading Company
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Posted - 2009.11.24 20:54:00 -
[13]
Hahaha. Janks is like 1400mm artillery. He misses alot but when he hits its for epic wrecking shot alpha lulz.
Originally by: CCP Casqade The forum does not represent anywhere close to 90% of the users. In fact it represents a clear minority of them.
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soldieroffortune 258
Gallente Trinity Council Initiative Mercenaries
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Posted - 2009.11.24 20:55:00 -
[14]
Didn't read the whole post, all I saw was your speaking in Third Person
Third Person ftw. Please re-size your signature to a maximum of 400 x 120 with the file size not exceeding 24000 bytes.Applebabe
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Boomershoot
Caldari Suddenly Ninjas
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Posted - 2009.11.24 20:56:00 -
[15]
QUALITY. Capital Q just isn't enough this time. ________________________________________ i'd gladly abuse [hr] if CCP implemented it ________________________________________
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Destination SkillQueue
Are We There Yet
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Posted - 2009.11.24 22:24:00 -
[16]
Don't give up. I'm sure you will eventually have success if you just keep on trying.
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Mutnin
Amarr Veto Corp
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Posted - 2009.11.24 22:32:00 -
[17]
Perhaps Janks can not find his true love because he searches in all the wrong places. Might I suggest HotAchuraStuds, I hear they bend over backwards to please.
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Alex Raptos
Caldari Phoenix Rising.
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Posted - 2009.11.24 22:33:00 -
[18]
Oh how i miss these threads Janks. You should do them more often
Originally by: Dirk Magnum I've become gay for Mark Harmon despite my initial reservations about the show NCIS but nobody will ever know
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Lexx Khadar
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Posted - 2009.11.24 22:43:00 -
[19]
You DO know talking about yourself in the third tense so much comes off as insanity a little? Just checking. |
Mashie Saldana
BFG Tech
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Posted - 2009.11.24 23:46:00 -
[20]
Originally by: Lexx Khadar You DO know talking about yourself in the third tense so much comes off as insanity a little? Just checking.
Janks insane? Never!
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Yblarbo Janks
Caldari Veto. Veto Corp
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Posted - 2009.11.25 15:38:00 -
[21]
Originally by: Lexx Khadar You DO know talking about yourself in the third tense so much comes off as insanity a little? Just checking.
You sound just like Jank's psychevaluator-doctor-person.
Janks is a natural sex object. When he ask the ladies for sex, they object!
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