Logit Probit
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Posted - 2009.05.20 09:05:00 -
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So tonight the usual gang was up to the usual business near Dodixie.
Our point man - we'll call him "Ozzie" - scanned out a Maelstrom in an Angels mission. He jumps in his Arbitrator, especially fit for tear extraction, and heads in through the acceleration gate. Meanwhile, I jump in my Guardian, and get cloaked up just off the gate.
The Maelstrom pilot - we'll call him "Not Druk Dorje" - targets Ozzie the minute he lands in the first room, even though he had yet to steal or salvage. A promising sign - bears who target so quickly are usually either trying to act really tough in order to ward off ninjas, or have been gripped by berzerker nerdrage over the prospect of "losing" mission rat loot that is "theirs". In any case, an immediate lock is a sign that the bear really wants that loot and salvage for himself.
Ozzie steals from him, and sure enough, reports over voice comms that he is taking fire. I de-cloak and punch the warp button on the gate. Unfortunately, while in mid-warp, Ozzie *****es on comms-
"I got him pointed, but he just popped out light ECM drones!"
Obviously I don't want to hear this. "Take them out! Start bumping him!" By the time I land, one of the drones is down, leaving four. Unfortunately, the next thing Ozzie says is "jammed." I am too far off to bump the Maelstrom; it warps off.
However-
Instead of warping to a gate or station, it has warped to planet 1.
"Planet 1! Planet 1! Planet 1!"
We both warp to planet one. He's not there. I hit 360 scan at 3,000,000 KM, and... I see the maelstrom! Just as I suggest on comms that maybe he hit a moon or the one belt at the planet,
THE MAELSTROM DROPS OUT OF WARP RIGHT ON TOP OF US.
We beat his slow ass to the planet, and not only that, but he also warped in at 0, and the icing on the cake, he left his ECM drones in the mission deadspace.
Ozzie locks him up again, and starts draining his cap and pounding him with Infiltrator IIs. I get on the horn with "Big B", one of our auxiliary support pilots and ship-scanner extraordinaire. Time to see what Not Druk D-bag has fit.
Just then, I see the self-destruct advisory pop up. Wonderful, a sore loser.
As B lands and starts scanning, I open convo with Not Druk Dorje. Before I can type anything, B tells me what I don't want to hear:
"Cal Navy boost amps. Pithi B-type boosters. Full rack of 1200 scout artys."
I punch out a message fast as I can - the clock is ticking. His shield tank is only starting to break and it's already down to 1:30.
LET'S COME TO AN AGREEMENT. WE KNOW YOU ARE FIT CAL NAVY & GISTI B. DON'T THROW ALL THAT ISK AWAY.
20 more seconds tick by. He says,
OK. TYPE FAST.
What can I say to get this guy to turn off his self-destruct in time? There's no way he will be able to pay a ransom BEFORE his ship pops.
MAKE ME AN OFFER YOU THINK IS FAIR. FOR GODS SAKE TURN OFF SD.
More seconds tick by. I wait for him to make the next move. What else can I do?
Then his ship explodes.
I don't know if he was furiously navigating though drop-down menus when he blew up. The way he failed at getting away the first time, with the clumsy warp-to-planet and the failure to pull in the ECM drones, it wouldn't surprise me. The "PvP Shakes" are a hard thing to deal with when you aren't used to them. Then again, maybe he decided he wasn't going to give us the satisfaction of getting anything from him. Either way I don't really care. While it was a shame to see that loot go to waste, it was delightful prodding him into a tantrum and watching him pis5 away all that hard work.
We're all rich already anyway. RICH
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